Late fall Sierra Nevada Mountains 2024
The forecast was slightly daunting, but new tires and a tune up had me feeling adventurous – plus I had that get to the mountains or bust kind of feeling in my soul. Let me just say that the Mormon Emigrant Trail is no place to be when it is snowing. It is not plowed, no one will happen to drive by, no one will be coming to help you and a good stretch is avalanche country. The treachery was all worth it once I finally made my destination. Nothing like having a warm saltwater pool snuggled between the lodge and the lake flanked by snow capped mountains – all to myself. Apparently I was the only one crazy or desperate enough to make the drive on this day.
A murder of Crows fly above me as I float on my back, eyes to the sky. Wind rushes the steam across the surface. Sun peaks through the pine branches setting the needles aglow. Wind song through the trees and the gentle lapping of the pool are my only companions. The lake is choppy and green while the blue mountains casually hold court to the glory.
My face is only slightly frozen along with my fingers and toes peaking out from the surface. I float for a luxuriously long time. My hair fans out catching the light and looks like golden strands of silk. I surface to see a father and daughter race through the freezing air to jump in the lake then race to the jacuzzi. An invisible hand squeezes my heart as memories rush in, mostly of Jack and Grace long ago. Hours playing in the pool when they still adored each other, s’mores every night, playing in the snow. It is not the same now of course, and it won’t ever be again. This time is different, new, strange and good at the same time.
A grizzly bear in cloud form floats lazily across the horizon and the last bit of sunlight making halos around the pine branches leaving me in a state of bliss and awe. This makes me think of all of the ways we can be “lit up” unexpectedly. The main ingredient for me seems to be “nature” awe. Someone said when you are feeling stuck go to the water, for it knows about movement, flows and doesn’t hold on to things. Probably why I have always been drawn to it. We need to be reminded of our temporality, if that is a word. I dare anyone to go out into nature and be confronted by its imposing non-negotiable existence and try to hold on to the problems they carry around in their mind. It is not possible. To see – really see the lake, the ocean, the mountains, the trees, even a singular fallen leaf will unconsciously shift everything.
Holding onto your pain and suffering in these moments is impossible. As your breath expands so will your mind. Your world is not just what is upstairs, it is the stars, the sun, the moon, the infinitesimal piece of earth you are standing on right now. Close your eyes and recall any image of the universe you have seen, or a Hubble image of a star – that is what you are made of and you are always connected to it. Never is this imagined separation or feeling of “aloneness” actually real. To wake up from this illusion is the greatest gift anyone can receive and yet it can be hard to hold on to. We get dragged back into a small box of existence where we become overwhelmed or consumed with the idea that we serve just one purpose. No, you are the universe and everything that you falsely believe defines you or puts you in a fixed space are just like grains of sand to a whole beach or a single pine needles in a whole family of trees, or a fungi in a fantastic network of cooperating organisms.
I would like to start an “Awe Movement” – a mandatory program requiring every citizen to do “tours of duty” in nature at different ages throughout their lifetime. Instead of a war machine, how about an earth machine! All the magic we think is “out there” somewhere is actually inside of us – sometimes we are required to go “out there” to realize it, let it wash over us, renew us, and open our hearts and eyes. The disconnect begins as children are forced to sit at desks all day. School should be outdoors! We are blessed with so many national and state parks – how about those? Everyone should have the responsibility and privilege of caretaking and experiencing their natural world, not just the manmade bits! Unplug from the digital whiplash (a phrase coined by Ani DiFranco) people, or perhaps I should say go out and plug in to the universe!
dream walkings 